Practicing the Art of Chillism

I think people are mistaking my wanting to be alone and zen for being depressed. I'm not. I'm not depressed. I'm just TIRED. I just want to chill! Today I practiced the art of chillism. I rearranged my living room a little, cooked a delicious breakfast (or…brunch for that matter) and washed some bed sheets. It felt great. Tonight I'm going to cook something delicious, enjoy a glass of pinot, and watch Ghost Busters (or something of that nature). It feels good to just relax.

I also did a boxing workout! It was super fun! I followed this video on youtube: 

Beginner Boxing Workout

It consisted of 8 rounds of 20 second uppercut tabatas (10 seconds rest in between each set), 3 sets of 20 burbees on the minute, 3 rounds of combo punching sets, and one 4 min simulation round followed by 100 bicycle crunches, 60 regular crunches, and 30 push ups. 

I want to learn the punching combos. They were hard (especially since I don't really quite have the grasp on what a proper uppercut looks like). I like what he says at the end about sparring, and how 3 times a week isn't enough when you're competing. This holds true for any sport that you're competing in. 3 times a week isn't good for derby. I can do better. I need to stay sharp on my derby skills too. I can easily do this at home too if I just take at least 30 minutes on the days I don't have practice to fine tune my skills. 

I think more boxing workouts are in order though. This one was fun and challenging! 

As far as my food intake today, I did pretty well (for the most part). I have a sweet tooth so fighting against chocolate and soda is really hard. But for breakfast I had 2 scrambled eggs with spinach, onion, tomato and peppers with 3 pieces of bacon and an orange. For lunch I had a smoothie with two handfuls of spinach, 1 banana, 1 kiwi, and a handful of frozen blueberries and a couple tbsp of coconut milk, and then I went a little off on the deep end and ate half a toblerone and had a glass of soda. I still have dinner though. I think I'm going to look up a carrot soup recipe. Last night I had chili lime miso glazed collard greens and beets with chili lime miso glazed sockeye salmon. DELISH.

Today I feel good. I feel strong and positive. I feel relaxed and happy. I hope I can keep the feeling up tomorrow...

Trying to get back on the horse

Well, my intension was to post more frequently about my preparation for Wild West Showdown, but that didn't happen. I'm not even going to write much of a recap either. We lost against Jet and Sac but beat Slaughterhouse. The Jet and Sac bouts were extremely fun to play. I got ejected right before the half in the Jet bout though. I was a little bummed. Okay, really bummed. It was for a hit gone wrong (totally hit the jammer straight in the face with my shoulder…hard. It stopped game play.) I felt awful… *sigh*

My endurance is definitely not where I want it to be at all (the above photo is certainly me out of breath), and I've been awful to my body. I didn't really do any partying at Wild West Showdown, because we were there for business. Ever since we got back, though, it's been a different story. Work events, meetings, more work events. Booze just flows like water at these things and let me tell you, my will power isn't very strong.

I would like to take a more active interest in my health. I need to. I can't handle the emotional hangovers (or physical ones for that matter). I can't handle not feeling strong and confident, and I certainly cannot be running around like a wild banschee all over the damn place. It's just not cool.

In order to grab my health by the horns, I've decided to shift my priorities around a bit.

I was in the best shape of my life when I was focused on my 6 week 5k running plan (over the summer). I'm going back to that. I started today. I'm hoping to use this blog to help keep myself on track by posting my workouts and runs. Nutrition will follow, but I've got to focus on one thing at a time right now.

Today I went on a 5 mile leisure bike ride. It felt good to soak in the sun. After that I walked my dogs and then I completed day 1 of the running plan:

2 minutes walk, 1 min run for 20 minutes (I did mine on a small hill)

After that I did 60 crunches and 30 push ups. I read somewhere that one of my derby fitness idols does 60 crunches and 30 push ups a day. I'm going to give that a shot. It doesn't take very long.

I feel good about how active I was today, but I would like to feel better. I have a problem of comparing my body to others and not feeling good enough. I don't feel lean enough, healthy enough, or yes, even some cases "hot" enough. I feel like a chubby kid sometimes. It's strange because I didn't really start to have these emotions until this season really. I can think of a few things that have influenced this but I'm not ready to share them yet. This brings me to my other priority:

Loving myself.

It's really hard to learn to love yourself. I thought I loved myself, but with all these body image issues, I guess I don't love myself as much as I thought. Especially when I go out and wear out my body by drinking or eating things that I shouldn't. I don't do drugs, I don't smoke, but god damn it's hard to turn down a Makers neat.

I'm going to learn to love myself and feel confident. It's going to be very difficult but I'm hoping that writing about this stuff will help me. I don't have a counselor, I don't really want to run to my friends about it, and well…I don't feel like I have a major problem. I can control this myself. I know I can. I'm strong.

Derby and life…what a journey. Every journey has it's ups and downs.

I must have been thinking a lot about this stuff during game play because even my game face looks a little contemplative:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/masonite-burn/8542785413/in/set-72157632960453072

Getting Closer!

My intent was to update this blog every other day or so to document my training journey to Wild West Showdown 2013. FAIL! Epic fail. Oh well.

The past weeks have been very challenging in my training. Not necessarily physically challenging, more so mentally. It's not a problem going to work out. It's not a problem putting on the running shoes. It's not a problem attending practice. It IS a problem finding the will power to not have a beer (or two or three or…you get the picture) when out with friends. It IS a problem convincing myself to not compare my body to others. It IS a problem to just. be. me.

I picked a real good time to change my life! Ha!

So here are the pros of my training so far:

1. I've been riding my bike an incredible amount. Pretty much everywhere I go. Why? Because we're selling the car. We're joining the ranks of bike commuters and public transit users. We're reducing our carbon foot print. We're going to save and INCREDIBLE amount of money in gas and repairs and insurance. I'm very excited. 
2. I've been running about 3 times a week on my old summer running trail. The weather has been incredible and 3.5 miles has been a challenge. Especially since there are hills. Not like super steep hills, but the kinds of hills that last forever. It feels good to breathe in the fresh air. 
3. I've been attending yoga classes (not regularly though) and ab tabatas at work. 
4. I've been eating fairly healthy, drinking plenty of water, and drinking carrot ginger juice about 3 times a week (I'm not sure why, I just like it). I've started eating carbs and grains again, and surprisingly enough haven't gained or lost weight but seem to be gaining a little more muscle tone. It's nice.

As far as the cons go: 

1. We're losing precious track time. Our venue keeps canceling our practices. It's making me crazy. There were only two practices last week that I could attend. I don't like this time off skates because it's effecting my endurance (even though I'm doing all the cross training).
2. I've been having major anxiety. I'm not sure what is triggering it, but it's there, and it sucks. It happens at random times. 
3. No matter what I do, I still can't NOT have a drink when I'm in a social setting. I really would like to quit drinking completely, but am not sure how to go about doing this. Every time I think about this I think "maybe I'm being too strict" and then I have an existential crisis with it. Why do I need alcohol and when did it become such a social lubricant for me? It's silly, really. I just want to be able to go out with people and hold a conversation without having a drink.

Oh, and I did reach my ultimate goal…I made all 3 rosters for Wild West. That's right. All 3. I'm very proud and excited to represent my team. Now if I can just pull my head game together.

Wild West Countdown

In 25 days my team, The SkATesAphreNics, will hit the track at the Wild West Showdown tournament in Washington. This will be my third Wild West Showdown tournament to skate in. The first year, I got the pleasure of skating against Pikes Peak (beating them 152-129). That was my third bout ever as an Emerald City All Star. The next year I was battling a knee injury, and only played one bout against Fort Collins (another win, 184-64). This was also one of the last bouts I played for a while due to learning that I had a torn patellafemoral ligament in my right knee. This year, I'm hoping to play ALL THREE BOUTS! I'm turning up the heat this month because I want nothing more than to play these bouts. It's important to me that I play every single bout this season. I need to prove to my team that derby IS my world, and that I AM a valuable asset. This year, we're slated to go up against Slaughterhouse from CO, Sac City from CA, and Jet City from WA. I've played against Sac and Jet, but not Slaughterhouse. I don't know what to expect from them, as I don't take bouts lightly.

To prepare, I've put together a little challenge for my team. Something to get us mentally and physically in the game. Starting on Feb 8, I've challenged my team to complete a task every day up until the tournament. I put out the guidelines for the team, and have already started to think about the first challenge.

The first challenge is to come up with 3 goals to accomplish at Wild West Showdown. I don't want these goals to be generic. I have some ideas for goals, and even have my first goal. "I want to get my jammer through" or "I want to block like a jammer and jam like a blocker" are not good goals (in my opinion). They're very generic and don't really address specific aspects of my personal game. These goals might be good for someone just starting out in derby, but I've been playing for 6 years! I'm still a youngun in this sport, but I've got enough experience under my belt to really start fine tuning my game.

So what's my first goal? Well, it has to do with aggression. I WILL hit with smart aggression. This encompasses so much in my game. It involves lower body placement, no hesitation, no whiffing. It involves using the angles of the track and staying out of "the bowels" (as coach says). It involves a strong core and strong quads. It involves relentless mental aggression. It involves wearing the other team out.

I've already started to work on this goal. I've been finding myself tapping into my aggression in a few jams. I need it to last an entire bout! I know I can accomplish this. I watch skaters on top level teams hit with such control and deliver bone shattering blows. Even a few of my own team mates finangle themselves in the oppositions tight wedges and start delivering one hit after another. Yesterday I watched my teammate Rocka Rolla do this exactly! It was so beautiful to watch. She's so relentless. Even my team mate Jalapeno blocks beautifully. She gets so low and sneaks up on people.

Hell just look at how low Sassy gets! One woman wall...

So here's to hard work and tapping in to that aggression! It's going to be a great training month!

My Alter Alter Ego...

...Meet Black Metal Facebreaker, #0510.

She runs hills 3 times a week, cross trains 2 times a week, and skates her roller derby tail off. She's a fierce beast on the track. Her nature is quiet and mysterious and her ice cold stare is as dark as the polar Norwegian night (which...okay, really isn't very dark...but it's cold!)


Basically, she's working hard to be a bad ass. This is the season of the Black Metal Facebreaker!

This is my alter ego's alter ego. My alter alter ego.

I've been working pretty hard. I'm starting to see some results. I'm learning things about myself that I don't think I fully realized before. When I train like this, and have a clear goal in mind, I feel strong and healthy. I feel like I'm beaming. I have more energy.

My diet? Well, basically the alcohol is VERY limited. Like, almost none. This week was a little difficult, as I shared a Cowhorn Syrah from Applegate Valley with Cory, and then we had a team event at work (at which I wasn't going to drink, but then the social aspect kicked in). Other than that, I don't really think about drinking much. Instead I find myself getting excited about a Saturday night run and workout. What  a beefcake...

I would like to get a grasp on will power. How others can just do something or NOT do something is beyond me. Two weeks straight of doing something (or NOT doing something) is about my max. However, this go around I've done quite well. I'm 3 weeks in to my training schedule and haven't skipped a beat. It's nice too because I'm starting to see physical improvements. Cory even said something the other day and today. Said my stomach was getting flatter and my shoulders are more defined. How exciting! I can't wait to see results on the track and even further, in my mental game.

Speaking of, All Star try outs are coming up in a week or so. I'm nervous! I think I need to start spending a bit more time on my skates. I'm going out for the All Star team again. I realize this is where I thrive. This is where I learn the most. Playing against people I don't see every day is one of the most rewarding things about derby. I love the aw struck feeling of lining up against one of your heroes and succeeding against them! It's the best! Or when they challenge you and you get frustrated but keep pushing and then after they compliment you on it? Oh man! I can't wait. I'm going up against some tough competition in the try out, but I believe in myself and my strength. I think my alter alter ego is really going to help. She's fearless and let's NOTHING get in her head:)

Camping happens.

A film of dust dirt and grime covered my body. My hair, oily, wirey and curling in ways I didn't know were possible. There are bruises in places there shouldn't be, blisters the color of coffee beans on my feet. Muscles so sore they felt like they're going to fall off my bones. Rocks and sticks dug into my back as I laid under the stars thinking, "I just got my ass kicked by an 11 year old…in Yahtzee."

The trip started Saturday morning. We loaded up the cars, leashed up the dogs in the back seat, and drove out east! Our destination? French Peat Campground in the Willamette National Forest. We drove for 2 hours…only to realize I had led us too far east for 40 miles. We turned around and finally found our turnoff. Once we got to the campground, we scoped out a spot far away from all car and foot traffic. Nestled in a circle of old trees with a man made fire pit with the rock scattered river shore just steps away. We set up our tents, built a fire and roughed it for three days and two nights. 

Pure zen. While the boys went to the hot spring, I stayed behind to watch our things and ended up building an amazing fire by the river. I spread out a blanket for the dogs. They snoozed as I sat staring into the flames and soaking up the alone time. I spent a lot of time in solitude on this trip. Sunday, I took a hike with Roc C on the Three Sisters Wilderness Trail. Just me, Rox, and nature. We found an amazing spot full of tiny water falls and babbling river. She dove right in…and quickly swam back to shore! I got in too…but not all the way. It was FREEZING.

I also floated on the River Rat tube next to where we set up camp. Anchored the rope to some rocks in the middle os the river and let the current move me around. My spine and back were numb from the cold water, but it felt amazing to be floating. 

Then Cory and Todd started cooking an amazing steak and veggie dinner, and that's when it happened. Elijah (Todds son) schooled me in Yahtzee! I couldn't believe it. I mean, here I am, 28 years old and can't even remember the RULES to Yahtzee, and he schools me. Not only did he have to explain the whole game to me (because I hadn't played it in so long) but he also racks up these points. He was pretty strategic with some of the hands he rolled. Leaving the bad ones and holding out for the high ones. 

Right after the steak and veggie dinner, we all loaded up in the car and headed down to the hot spring.  Probably not the smartest idea but it felt good. When we got back to the camp site, we made smores (next level style…with pop tarts!) and I crashed on a towel by the fire. Cory woke me up and sent me to the tent. I layed in the tent, in complete darkness. I've never experienced a pitch black darkness. I layed there with my eyes open for quite some time. 

I thought about a lot on the trip, have a lot of ideas for the 29 before 30 (including a trip to Hawaii). I'm pretty zoned out and tired still…maybe not the best time to write a blog entry. Until next time...

Long time no post!

Sitting here watching Dawn Harper crush the women's 100m hurdles. Distracted by athletics once again.

It's been a while since I last posted! I've been thinking about blogging these past couple of days. Not sure why or where or how reliable I'll be with the blog, not because I don't want to blog, but simply because of the lack of time and the lack of ideas for topics.

What have I been up to that has taken up so much of my time? Well, it should be no surprise. Roller Derby! I began coaching a full contact junior team, I pulled myself from the ECRG All Star roster, I got a new job, and I've begun exploring new hobbies. 

The name of my junior team is the "Executies". I coach along side Mamaskatrixx, who is one of THE MOST incredible women I have ever met. I'm very inspired by junior derby. It's so much more exciting than watching adult derby. They skate harder and with more passion. Their game is a lot faster and their nimble and flexible enough to pull off moves one can only dream of pulling off. This team has quickly turned into my favorite part of my derby career. To be able to pass along my knowledge of the game while learning new techniques from younger skaters is the most amazing and gratifying feelings.

As far as removing myself from the All Star roster, well that was due to a few things. I've been dealing with knee issues for quite some time, and this season has been the worst. I tore my medial patellofemoral ligament in my right knee (now now this is nothing new!) and it's given me more grief than ever this season. I felt it was only fair to the others that I drop from the roster and focus on healing. However, I didn't focus for long enough. I returned back to derby after two months of being off skates and jumped straight into full contact again. During our last bout of the season, my knee cap slid out of place and pulled right back in, but my knee swelled to epic proportions and I couldn't walk for days. Needless to say, I'm refocusing on the healing. I'm returning to skating without contact next week. I also experienced a bit of burnout, which I assume doesn't help the injury.

I also started working for Symantec! I left the doughnut business and took a job as a Sales Development Executive (fancy, huh!) I now have killer health insurance and a M-F schedule. It feels nice to not come home covered in flour and sprinkles every day, but I do miss the heavy lifting. Symantec is a great company to work for! Plenty of room for growth, wonderful co workers, and free gym membership and fitness classes! I now take Yoga, 3 times a week! 

Last but not least, I've been exploring new hobbies. I've learned that I'm quite the little nature bug! I've been camping, hiking, and exploring river paths close to my home. My team mate, Medusa, is going to take me backpacking (for my first time) in September! I can't wait. I've been looking at backpacking equipment and reading articles on backpacking adventures. I love the feeling of reconnecting with nature and bringing out the survivalist in me! 

It's basically been a nice ride, these past months. I'm growing and changing, but my love for the sport of derby keeps getting stronger and deeper. I'm coming up on 6 years of playing! This season I'm really focusing on my mental game and my teams (I forgot to mention, I am putting a lot of time and energy into our B team right now! I love it!) I've begun my pre season training and have been slowly changing my diet in an effort to maximize my performance. So far, so good. 

I hope to post more during this pre season. I'm just not quite sure what to post about. I have tons of ideas floating around in my head, including:

tracking my training/diet

goal setting

hiking/camping adventures

and a special project I'm working on, 29 before 30 (just you wait! It's not what you think!)

Maybe I'll even link my instagram and give you all some better photos of what's going on in my little world. 

Until next time (whenever that may be), I leave you with this:

"If you go as far as you can see, you will then see enough to go even farther." - John Wooden