Trying to get back on the horse

Well, my intension was to post more frequently about my preparation for Wild West Showdown, but that didn't happen. I'm not even going to write much of a recap either. We lost against Jet and Sac but beat Slaughterhouse. The Jet and Sac bouts were extremely fun to play. I got ejected right before the half in the Jet bout though. I was a little bummed. Okay, really bummed. It was for a hit gone wrong (totally hit the jammer straight in the face with my shoulder…hard. It stopped game play.) I felt awful… *sigh*

My endurance is definitely not where I want it to be at all (the above photo is certainly me out of breath), and I've been awful to my body. I didn't really do any partying at Wild West Showdown, because we were there for business. Ever since we got back, though, it's been a different story. Work events, meetings, more work events. Booze just flows like water at these things and let me tell you, my will power isn't very strong.

I would like to take a more active interest in my health. I need to. I can't handle the emotional hangovers (or physical ones for that matter). I can't handle not feeling strong and confident, and I certainly cannot be running around like a wild banschee all over the damn place. It's just not cool.

In order to grab my health by the horns, I've decided to shift my priorities around a bit.

I was in the best shape of my life when I was focused on my 6 week 5k running plan (over the summer). I'm going back to that. I started today. I'm hoping to use this blog to help keep myself on track by posting my workouts and runs. Nutrition will follow, but I've got to focus on one thing at a time right now.

Today I went on a 5 mile leisure bike ride. It felt good to soak in the sun. After that I walked my dogs and then I completed day 1 of the running plan:

2 minutes walk, 1 min run for 20 minutes (I did mine on a small hill)

After that I did 60 crunches and 30 push ups. I read somewhere that one of my derby fitness idols does 60 crunches and 30 push ups a day. I'm going to give that a shot. It doesn't take very long.

I feel good about how active I was today, but I would like to feel better. I have a problem of comparing my body to others and not feeling good enough. I don't feel lean enough, healthy enough, or yes, even some cases "hot" enough. I feel like a chubby kid sometimes. It's strange because I didn't really start to have these emotions until this season really. I can think of a few things that have influenced this but I'm not ready to share them yet. This brings me to my other priority:

Loving myself.

It's really hard to learn to love yourself. I thought I loved myself, but with all these body image issues, I guess I don't love myself as much as I thought. Especially when I go out and wear out my body by drinking or eating things that I shouldn't. I don't do drugs, I don't smoke, but god damn it's hard to turn down a Makers neat.

I'm going to learn to love myself and feel confident. It's going to be very difficult but I'm hoping that writing about this stuff will help me. I don't have a counselor, I don't really want to run to my friends about it, and well…I don't feel like I have a major problem. I can control this myself. I know I can. I'm strong.

Derby and life…what a journey. Every journey has it's ups and downs.

I must have been thinking a lot about this stuff during game play because even my game face looks a little contemplative:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/masonite-burn/8542785413/in/set-72157632960453072